2004-08-30T21:54:00.000-07:00

You know what really strikes me about this whole Olympic thing?
I know, that it's a chance for the worlds greatest athletes to come together,striving towards a common purpose,to remind the worlds that places such as Eritrea(I don't know if I spelled that right please correct me if I didn't) do in fact exist , and to give all the cable TV channels a chance to boost their midnight viewing figures .

But something just under the surface strikes me as being hugely wrong - something to do with the way the crowd in a gymnastics event has the vocal power to make officials demand that two judges increase their scores to get the audience to shut up - No one sporting event should be able to bend twist and otherwise contort the laws of physics in such an outrageous manner

However some of this negativity is of course dispelled by the way that there is not a single illegal substance being used in the Olympic village which the public has heard of ,or is even able to pronounce correctly.No pot here guys - just the most highly advanced best designed performance enhancers in the world.as a matter of fact I wonder in this year of the dirtiest olympic games ever (16 drug related disqualifications-10 in weight-lifting alone),if that is not the real purpose of all that time and frantic effort-to showcase the latest in androstenedione and creatine and the fantastic results they create (side effects may include acne, stroke, heart failure,blood clots,liver failure, kidney failure,breast enlargement ,breast reduction and female gentital enlargement, most side effects were mild and temporary this product is not designed to treat prevent or cure any disease

Be Careful What Advice You Follow

2004-08-24T20:27:00.000-07:00

I am often advised by my elders that new experiences are a good thing-having had very little to do over the past summer I have attempted to cram in as many of said as is humanly possible (Just for the record I would like to say to all misguided souls out there thatit is not always advisable to follow the advice of those who have wandered through life following the advice of all who give it and then have children like me).Some of the more memorable have included sailing , Americans , dancing during a tropical storm , and baking corn muffins-details of which I will later post. However,as the most recent of these thrilling life lessons occurred only this morning and left a lasting impression upon various bony areas of my body (of which there are regrettably few) I feel a strong urge to write about rollerblading.

This may seem a fairly innocent topic , and my thoughts this morning , when I strapped on a pair of rollerblades bequeathed to me by a distant acquaintance , were along the lines of - "How hard can this be?...just like ice skating...God - I have no medical insurance!" But still I walked steadfastly down Charles street, since I had not felt confident enough in my skating abilities to skate down the steep cobbled pavements of beacon hill I was left padding stocking footed, in itself not a problem and actually fairly enjoyable - that was until I had to walk past " the Master Builders" whose permanent residence appears to be the corner of Charles and chestnut streets,and who's entire vocabulary comprises of one phrase "Alright luv?"(yes,even in the USA) ,and several mostly incomprehensible noises including the toothless wolf whistle.

I emerged mildly humiliated and immediately dertermined to phone up Mr Fiachra Davison ESQ-my assassin friend who's scathing wit has reduced many a toothless pot noodle to a spicy variety of baby food.

Now however the time had come for me to embark upon a journey of discovery so harrowing that I now write to warn others of the dangers of inline skating.I mean it really has to be the most impractical mode of transport ever conceived by a factory owner desperately trying to get rid of a consignment of little plastic wheels.I started off well enough , moving steadily forward-upright for the moment-but the dizzying moment of truth when I reached the bottom of the hill came all too soon.I careered onward, valiantly trying to slow down ,until a conveniently placed wall stopped my otherwise inevitable passage into the Charles river.

At this time I feel that I need time to go and regroup my various appendages before giving any more detail of this unfortunate event.However,as I am a brave and persistent(if slightly thickheaded)soul, I am intending on trying again in the near future to tame my meandering feet any advice from the skating pros amongst us would be welcome.

Madam xxx

Slightly Miffed

Be Careful What Advice You Follow